It's been 10 years since I was born in Europe with a European man. The times when strong mountains change. I do not know anyone who has not experienced it. What is the weight of life that it means.
to me. Foreign living with a foreign husband was, in short, 'a journey of extreme solitude'. But now I know. I. I have come so far to go back. Just to be myself.
I have to go around halfway around the earth to get to where I can. A country like Europe where the dreams of the imagination are fulfilled. Everyone was envious of what I live here.
However, I was not happy when I lived on foot.
This is the most important reason I am writing this article.
Of course, from the moment I stepped on this land, I had many gifts. I was able to devote myself to child care without getting into the labor to get money, and enjoying the material abundance that I had never gotten through the relatively generous in-laws. All of that was once thought to me to be a "big gift that came to me."
Above all, it was me who did not have enough language skills to work here, so allowing me to rest in such a way that I no longer have to be dragged into my daily workplace was the greatest benefit and liberation I have ever had. Until all the sweetness that I dreamed about once drove me tired of single – minded childcare.
But my real story starts from here. In the riches and benefits that this land brought, more and more questions and questions began to accumulate within me. They kept talking to me about things that made me feel uncomfortable. At the same time, another question that resembled it on the other continued to knock me down.
The fact that many people living in Korea have a roots in so-called 'Western', how big and deep it is rooted in our unconsciousness has always amazed me and sometimes shocked me and asked me more questions.
They were not of a nature that anyone could easily say with a single answer. It was like, "Something, a unique question thrown to me" that I can only find through my life here. And those questions followed me everywhere.
What made me so uncomfortable, and what drove me to a person who was not happy?
I wanted to know the reality of the unhappiness that crushed me here. And after a hard storm hurled, I realized why they came to me.
I did not want to fool myself anymore. I wanted to find my happiness. I did not want to hurt anyone without knowing who I wanted or what I wanted. The first thing I have to do to do that is, first of all, that I should be more honest with myself. To do that, I had to know me better,
I felt a kind of responsibility to record the 'me' and 'my life' in this place, which was extremely ordinary and occasionally chaotic without a rosy life. For myself, not anyone.
We live in an era when European values and life are perceived and accepted as a 'goodness standard'. Everyone wants to experience and appreciate the wonderful value and abundance of the place.
I know what 'envy' people send me. It touches that everyone wants to resemble 'them'. I was also a childhood, something I always kept in my mind. So it is meaningful to myself and all of us to talk about why I could not be happy here.
However, before we start a full-scale story, we try to clarify a few things.
My writings are not intended to cool down all of those 'efforts towards positive values'. Also, I am not a "half-moon official" who rejects material civilization, nor is it a "nationalist" full of treacherous patriotism. I just want to say things I've been through and felt.
And those experiences and stories may make our heads up to Europe, which we usually think about. But that's what I have experienced and learned, and that's what I will tell you.